Lubing Bawa Wawa.
Kathy Griffin kicked ass Wednesday night at the gorgeous Lyric Opera House in downtown Baltimore. We got stuck in traffic on the way there and didn’t arrive until 8:10, but fortunately she didn’t go on until about 5 minutes after we were in our seats, so all was well. In her opening segment she asked if anyone had just driven from DC up to Baltimore for the show that night like she just had. She commiserated through our hoots and hollers, saying "Yeah what’s up with all the fucking traffic?"
I won’t retell all of her stories here, because a) this blog would go on for-EVER; b) I could never do them justice; and c) they will probably all end up in one of her tv specials anyway. I will say that a significant amount of time was devoted to her recent encounters with "too stupid to vote" Paris Hilton, highlighted by brilliantly nuanced imitations of her freaky retarded baby voice and her "half-horse/half-tarantula" likeness. She also discussed a run-in she had with Dr. Phil, whom she repeatedly addressed merely as "Phil" in an apparently successful attempt to ruffle his feathers. Hee. Other targets included Oprah and her boyfriend Gayle, Aaron Carter and his methed-up complexion, Paula Abdul and her onscreen oxycontin passouts, and Larry King and his seemingly shapeshifting head. And of course, Miss Ryan Seacrest.
The show ended with yet another in a long line of hilariously infamous tales from Kathy’s apperances on The View. This was from the first day immediately following the big Rosie vs. Elisabeth blow-up, and Kathy was scheduled to sit in as a guest co-host. Apparently one of that day’s "Hot Topics" involved the age-old (heh) issue of menopause. Here’s what Kathy said:
Those women on The View looooooooove talking about menopause. Menopause menopause menopause…. So we were talking about how once you hit menopause, your vagina dries up. Little Elisabeth - bless her heart - didn’t believe us, so I told her, "It’s true! I’ll admit it, I’m not afraid of a little K.Y."
And you know what Barbara said?
"I pwefer Astwo-Gwide."
